Saturday, June 28, 2008
27 june
basically. i m stress. i m happy with my SLM results. it matches the effort i have put in.
these are the issues, i m really stressed about, i dunno y?
plus, i think my family got many people unhealthy
stress AR. plus, i m really fat. everytime, i met my dad and his side of family. they kinda have some comments on my size. i felt despise of myself. cos i m ugly and fat. whenever, slim or skinny girls look at me. in my mind, i alwis think they must be laughing at my fatness. cant help it. i feel so insecure. i really wish to stay at home. dun wan to go to school. cos everyone is giving me the U-LOOK-FAT looks. i noe i m. I KNOW!
shit. i gng nuts soon. i really need a nice break from all these. but i cant. i must endure to 8th july. i knew i will be free then to think properly. b4 tt dun nid to date me out or wad. cos i dun wan dun feel lyk. i have too many things on hand.
i may need to postpone my anniversary. sorie dear. i dun wan to. but i m not in the mood to celebrate. i jus feel super stressed right now.
recalling: my father's elder sis= my aunt. she told me she gng to perth this coming october. i m thinking wads does it gotta do with me. then she told me my cuz, tilden is having his graduation day over there with the "square hat" then he gt a badge cos he scored the best in that particular module in the WHOLE school. i jus sae "orh, okie". wad can i say. i have not even get a diploma. wad to sae a degree?
then i recalled tilden asking me,"your third year ar?" i sae"yes" he say so you choose ya university. dumbfounded.cos i dun think uni wan my poor results. then he commented that the interns at his office are damn bored. well i think its bored to do internship that true. then at the lift, he asked, " so u are studying in "business" rite?". i sae "ya, business studies".
so business in general sound useless ba. i think banking or finance or accounting sound impressive is it? or mass communication or nursing. business studies too general? being an intern of business mayb not competent in anything? shit. i dunno wad he is driving at. however, it does not sound friendly to me.
i m wondering is this like trying to show off to me or wad?... m i so inferior in studies and everything. people keep telling me how great they are.
then my dad commented to my aunt in hakka. he sae i put on weight. then, he sae one of my cuz she slim alot. she did la. cos she last time young was beri chubby then her mami control her diet nor. she is now only 10 yrs old. i m quite upset. y m i alwis been compared?
i noe i fat. i noe i not top in studies. i m jus normal. i m a normal person with normal feelings. wads with all the comparing. it putting me in a state of killing myself. or torture myself. cos i jus feel sucks. i hate myself. y cant i be normal as in "slim" like other ppl. i never got the chance. blame it on myself cos i m jus fat and ugly. i noe i lazy in studies. wadeva. i m not superstar or movie star. y m i alwis being criticise both by my family and strangers i dun even noe.
then my dad even bought tagged size M clothes for me. i never wear M before. all along is L and XL happy?! i m fat wad. no chance to wear S/M. i m a PIG. jus a PIG. i m a 70 kg PIG happy? criticise la. say la. wadeva la. even my uncle called me pig whenever he see me. i noe he joking. budden i kinda hurt. then bertram's mum keep asking me y my face is rounder and rounder. i duno how to ans. i love to eat. I LOVE being FAT. dun i. i think so. no matter how i force myself to think positively it never work out. "you dun wan to exercise wad. who to blame" fucking fat pig. go and die la.
Y?WHY? why they always ask me to go slim cos i beri fat. or like have u found ya university yet? or wadeva shit. thanks eh thanks eh. i really dun need all these comments. i have enough.
I JUST WANT MY PUMA BOTTLE NOW. I DUN WANT TO THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE.
basically. i m stress. i m happy with my SLM results. it matches the effort i have put in.
these are the issues, i m really stressed about, i dunno y?
- SLM project
- IBS solution selling call
- WISP project
plus, i think my family got many people unhealthy
- my grandfather is not really feeling good. he is fine thou. i alwis kinda worried abt him when he is at home alone
- my dad is admitted to hospital. probably becos of his "ghout" i dunno how to spell. and oso cos his blood level beri low. haish dunno wad happen to him; the doctor is still checking.
stress AR. plus, i m really fat. everytime, i met my dad and his side of family. they kinda have some comments on my size. i felt despise of myself. cos i m ugly and fat. whenever, slim or skinny girls look at me. in my mind, i alwis think they must be laughing at my fatness. cant help it. i feel so insecure. i really wish to stay at home. dun wan to go to school. cos everyone is giving me the U-LOOK-FAT looks. i noe i m. I KNOW!
shit. i gng nuts soon. i really need a nice break from all these. but i cant. i must endure to 8th july. i knew i will be free then to think properly. b4 tt dun nid to date me out or wad. cos i dun wan dun feel lyk. i have too many things on hand.
i may need to postpone my anniversary. sorie dear. i dun wan to. but i m not in the mood to celebrate. i jus feel super stressed right now.
recalling: my father's elder sis= my aunt. she told me she gng to perth this coming october. i m thinking wads does it gotta do with me. then she told me my cuz, tilden is having his graduation day over there with the "square hat" then he gt a badge cos he scored the best in that particular module in the WHOLE school. i jus sae "orh, okie". wad can i say. i have not even get a diploma. wad to sae a degree?
then i recalled tilden asking me,"your third year ar?" i sae"yes" he say so you choose ya university. dumbfounded.cos i dun think uni wan my poor results. then he commented that the interns at his office are damn bored. well i think its bored to do internship that true. then at the lift, he asked, " so u are studying in "business" rite?". i sae "ya, business studies".
so business in general sound useless ba. i think banking or finance or accounting sound impressive is it? or mass communication or nursing. business studies too general? being an intern of business mayb not competent in anything? shit. i dunno wad he is driving at. however, it does not sound friendly to me.
i m wondering is this like trying to show off to me or wad?... m i so inferior in studies and everything. people keep telling me how great they are.
then my dad commented to my aunt in hakka. he sae i put on weight. then, he sae one of my cuz she slim alot. she did la. cos she last time young was beri chubby then her mami control her diet nor. she is now only 10 yrs old. i m quite upset. y m i alwis been compared?
i noe i fat. i noe i not top in studies. i m jus normal. i m a normal person with normal feelings. wads with all the comparing. it putting me in a state of killing myself. or torture myself. cos i jus feel sucks. i hate myself. y cant i be normal as in "slim" like other ppl. i never got the chance. blame it on myself cos i m jus fat and ugly. i noe i lazy in studies. wadeva. i m not superstar or movie star. y m i alwis being criticise both by my family and strangers i dun even noe.
then my dad even bought tagged size M clothes for me. i never wear M before. all along is L and XL happy?! i m fat wad. no chance to wear S/M. i m a PIG. jus a PIG. i m a 70 kg PIG happy? criticise la. say la. wadeva la. even my uncle called me pig whenever he see me. i noe he joking. budden i kinda hurt. then bertram's mum keep asking me y my face is rounder and rounder. i duno how to ans. i love to eat. I LOVE being FAT. dun i. i think so. no matter how i force myself to think positively it never work out. "you dun wan to exercise wad. who to blame" fucking fat pig. go and die la.
Y?WHY? why they always ask me to go slim cos i beri fat. or like have u found ya university yet? or wadeva shit. thanks eh thanks eh. i really dun need all these comments. i have enough.
I JUST WANT MY PUMA BOTTLE NOW. I DUN WANT TO THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE.
cia penned♥ Saturday, June 28, 2008.
Exits
Re-Play