Monday, May 18, 2009
18 may.
i had too much resentments in me. i wished to go to a faraway place from Singapore and ponder on my next step into the future, and the things that are swirling in my mind. i can't even know what are the things that swirled in my mind. they are a lump of things which i can't figure out, i don't know why but its bothering me too often.
i hate the emptiness feeling in me. its like i can no longer appreciate life in a way or another. i don't know what am i sprouting here. i m not trying to end my life, that is shallow. but, i am trying to enhance my life in a way or another. am i so weak? or am i just plain useless on some things. i don't know how to control my emotions lately. i don't like the idea of my over-flowing emotions that does no one any good.
i know the fact that physically i am not alone. i have great friends, boyfriend and family. but at the back of the mind, i can't help but to notice that i am pathetically alone mentally. i don't know what i am saying here, it's hard to explain. it's like my thoughts are always well-hidden and i can't express them out as they can't be explained. they are lump together, i can't visualize it or even understand it myself. complicated, yes. goddamn complicated.
where is me? where is my interest? where is my passion? where is my everything? where has it gone to? Have it flown with the wind as i grew older? where is the REAL ME? i am finding hard. pathetically hard, i want to be ALONE for months, for years. i know i am being selfish, but i can't be bothered. my head hurts again.
i had too much resentments in me. i wished to go to a faraway place from Singapore and ponder on my next step into the future, and the things that are swirling in my mind. i can't even know what are the things that swirled in my mind. they are a lump of things which i can't figure out, i don't know why but its bothering me too often.
i hate the emptiness feeling in me. its like i can no longer appreciate life in a way or another. i don't know what am i sprouting here. i m not trying to end my life, that is shallow. but, i am trying to enhance my life in a way or another. am i so weak? or am i just plain useless on some things. i don't know how to control my emotions lately. i don't like the idea of my over-flowing emotions that does no one any good.
i know the fact that physically i am not alone. i have great friends, boyfriend and family. but at the back of the mind, i can't help but to notice that i am pathetically alone mentally. i don't know what i am saying here, it's hard to explain. it's like my thoughts are always well-hidden and i can't express them out as they can't be explained. they are lump together, i can't visualize it or even understand it myself. complicated, yes. goddamn complicated.
where is me? where is my interest? where is my passion? where is my everything? where has it gone to? Have it flown with the wind as i grew older? where is the REAL ME? i am finding hard. pathetically hard, i want to be ALONE for months, for years. i know i am being selfish, but i can't be bothered. my head hurts again.
Labels: WHERE AM I?
cia penned♥ Monday, May 18, 2009.
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